Weight 5,000 lbs, number of things eaten today 3, number of times have wandered house aimlessly 32, number of times have beaten self with overly-large textbook 12 (not v.g.)


Am far from wonderful. Am instead disgusting heap of lard. Am Queen of Lard, as only Lard will worship me.
Am also man-poison. Thought I was going through a phase of relief from such belief, but am wrong.
Am depressed.
Wish that I could consume chocolates. Have no chocolates to consume. And could not consume chocolates anyway, as am on another infernal diet of sorts.
Hate self. Hate diets. Hate men.
Will go drink water and eat carrot sticks while watching reruns of SNL and pretending I have boyfriend who is Jimmy Fallon.

Number of times have bashed head against wall 6, number of pillowcases ruined by smeared mascara 19, number of chocolate bars wished I had eaten 72 (am currently broke, not v.g)

Have, of course, realised am not total genius. Is acceptable to NOT be genius, is not acceptable to cry over lack of genius. Have also discovered that lack of math skills will forever haunt me.
Will become horrible tragic spinster who cannot even count her cats.
Will go eat popcorn and think about lack of genius.

Number of times have looked at Mike's business card to make sure number is real 42, number of times have thought about calling Mike 37, number of times have thought about Mike calling me 56, number of times have contemplated glamorous date at car show 679


Am amazing and glorious goddess of beauty and love. Am very close to Aphrodite and should be worshipped as so. Have, after much charming flirting and witty banter, received an impossible-to-believe phone number. Feel as though self is floating through clouds and romping through fields of butterflies. Hve proved today am witty and gorgeous and the ideal of all men alive.
Gave my number to Mike as well. Am giving him 2 days to think about calling me. Will be slave of answerphone until then.


8:38- Hurrah! Mike has called!

Weight 689 lbs. (feels like), boyfriends 0, number of times thought about having boyfriend 72 (not v.g.), number of times thought about Grandmum 431 (v.v. g.), number of times tried NOT to think about Grandmum 430 (v. bad), Girl Scout cookies eaten 4


Have reached peak of insanity. Is very high peak. Am beginning to suffer vertigo. Must buy some ropes, maybe will fashion hammock or other survivor-type likeness out of them. Am v. depressed and will probably eat ropes first.
Lack of boyfriend has made me queasy. Does not, in fact, help vertigo any.
Have just found out grandmum is dying. Not at all happy about this. Called Mary to discuss bad news. Cried unexpectedly. She offered me ice cream as comfort device, found out it is impossible to eat ice cream over telephone, cried more.
Have decided to use rope in new homemade spaghetti recipe instead. Will create diversion to get mind off depressing subjects, and any real pasta I cook will turn to consistency of rope anyway and cannot, in fact, fashion any sort of hammock as am completely disabled.
Grandmum would be proud. She never liked hammocks.

Amount of real food consumed 0, calories (oh, thousands), actual amount of minutes spent worrying about calories consumed 42 (v. good)


8:19 - Am realizing for the first time that self-indulgence is not always a v. good thing.
Am also realizing that I don't actually indulge quite enough. Might take up knitting for lack of better things.

8:25 - Nevermind.

Valentine's received 1, times griped about it 0 (v.v.g.), further Valentine's expected 0


Am quite aware it's Valentine's Day.
Am choosing to ignore it.

Hours of painful groaning 24, tissues used 600 (estimate), negative thoughts about the flu 67, minutes comtemplating sudden death 12 (not v.g.)


Sudden bout of flu has ruined last Winter Formal. Left dance earlier than expected. V. upset and irritated by body's disease fighting ability.
Felt like invalid limping around the dance floor. Tried to make the best of the situation by doing funny dance moves which merely resulted in v. horrible sick feeling. Am quite surprised by caring friends as they walked me to the door missing about 6 minutes of sufficient dance time. Am v. glad I did not have a date this year, am v. glad I have good friends.

Though sick (and quite possibly dying), have attained first level of self-sufficient being who does not need boyfriend to have good time.