Number of times have looked at Mike's business card to make sure number is real 42, number of times have thought about calling Mike 37, number of times have thought about Mike calling me 56, number of times have contemplated glamorous date at car show 679


Am amazing and glorious goddess of beauty and love. Am very close to Aphrodite and should be worshipped as so. Have, after much charming flirting and witty banter, received an impossible-to-believe phone number. Feel as though self is floating through clouds and romping through fields of butterflies. Hve proved today am witty and gorgeous and the ideal of all men alive.
Gave my number to Mike as well. Am giving him 2 days to think about calling me. Will be slave of answerphone until then.


8:38- Hurrah! Mike has called!

Weight 689 lbs. (feels like), boyfriends 0, number of times thought about having boyfriend 72 (not v.g.), number of times thought about Grandmum 431 (v.v. g.), number of times tried NOT to think about Grandmum 430 (v. bad), Girl Scout cookies eaten 4


Have reached peak of insanity. Is very high peak. Am beginning to suffer vertigo. Must buy some ropes, maybe will fashion hammock or other survivor-type likeness out of them. Am v. depressed and will probably eat ropes first.
Lack of boyfriend has made me queasy. Does not, in fact, help vertigo any.
Have just found out grandmum is dying. Not at all happy about this. Called Mary to discuss bad news. Cried unexpectedly. She offered me ice cream as comfort device, found out it is impossible to eat ice cream over telephone, cried more.
Have decided to use rope in new homemade spaghetti recipe instead. Will create diversion to get mind off depressing subjects, and any real pasta I cook will turn to consistency of rope anyway and cannot, in fact, fashion any sort of hammock as am completely disabled.
Grandmum would be proud. She never liked hammocks.